Self Harm

I can't remember if I've done one like this yet, but here it is. Some examples of self harm is cutting, burning, or just plain out hurting yourself. I don't like seeing people do it, I want people to live. To me, self harm is screwing with death. You want to feel pain because it numbs you or you're an adrenaline junky, but the behaviors are dangerous. They cause some serious depression. I usually lose respect for friends of mine that don't have a good reason. My friend, Rae, used to cut. I think she did it when she had a mentally abusing boyfriend that let her go through hell because of him and his friends. She's quit and has decided that it never helped her in the first place. Carmen, a cool as hell chick who just moved, cut because her parents have a very messy divorce and she had shit hitting the fan. Cutting numbed her, but she has recently quit and I'm proud of her. She quit two weeks ago on a sunday. Carmen had curled up and cried that day, just letting the tears fall. She came back to school and when her and I were talking, she said that crying felt better. She's still afraid of people seeing her wrists, but she's improving. Carmen and I had similar ideas about crying, it made you look weak, but it helps us now. Those are ok answers where I won't lose hope in you, I'll stand by you and help you through it all. Chelsea cuts, but when I asked her why, all she said was "I have problems." She made it seem as if she thought it was cool. Rene cuts and I think burns. She literally does it because she thinks it's cool. She would cut deep into her skin and draw a smiley face so the scar would last for years. It's pretty obvious that I stopped talking to her, I tried helping, but with that sort of thinking I can't help. I hate it when I see the blood, burns, and bruises. I don't want the people to hurt anymore and they don't realize how much it affects their friends and family. I want to hate these people, but I completely understand. Sometimes I just think that self harm will help and I raise the blade to my skin. The thing that stops me is my best friends' faces. They woud be horrified if I started self harm or thinking suicide and wonder what they did wrong to set me back in that idea. I was suicidal for about three to four years. I was about to just slit my neck when I got new friends. It took a while for me to trust them and they saved me. The new friends became my sisters, the ones that I would rather die than lose. I told them all of my feelings and they helped me through it all. They know of my parents fighting, my brother stealing and being a psychopath (the actual mental disorder. I'm not saying he's crazy.), my mood disorder and anxiety issues, and how I feel like I'm losing it all. They know of everything that has come through my life and helped. Everyone has amazing friends like these, whether or not they're hiding or standing in front of you. They can save your life if you just opened up to them and let the love in. Self harm is not solving your problems and it's not a distraction. It just leads down that negative path instead of the happiness you all want. Leave a comment if you want to talk. Message me on facebook, the page is the blog's name. I want to help you all. Just pour out all of your feelings that are hurting you and I'll listen. No one deserves to go through this much pain and it's wrong that some think they can power through it alone. Tell someone about it all and I swear your life will be better. If that person abondons you, then they aren't your real friend.

Screwing around

Hey guys, I don't know how many of you are BVB fans, but it looks like people saw this. A lot of the makeup I saw was exactly like I said it should be. Thank god for that one, because I'm actually enjoying the posted makeup. Congrats guys. April, I'm going to see Snow White's Poison Bite!!! I talked my dad into buying me tickets, he's going though. It'll be so much fun to see these guys in America and maybe I can get me a cd. Almost all that have been seen are imports that are out of my pocket range. I'll be taking tons of pictures for sure! SWPB's newest cd that I've heard, which isn't much, sounds awesome so far. It's like Doctor Gruesome (I think) with a guest vocalist. I have to get that too. I NEED IDEAS! There's been nothing that inspires me to write a review on. My time has either been pulled from my idea or it just doesn't happen. It makes me sad. I have a final exam essay due soon and it's all about stopping school massacres. I'm studying serial killers, especially the most vicious, to find common ideas between them all. I enjoy the topic which can be seen as creepy, but it works for me. I will have a good paper with tons of proven information. I plan on spreading it around and see if it becomes a good topic piece on research websites or opposing views. I will be headed to the writing board so bye my pretty darlings!

Crappy makeup at concerts

This isn't a review, but it's a rant and those things are always fun. I like makeup, you can do some crazy ass shit with it. You can also look like a flipping fucktard if you can't do it well. My example is a lot of Black Veil Brides fans. I get that they're trying to show their love for the band, but some of the makeup makes me want to just hurl and scream. I saw some pictures today and a lot just dissapointed me. Only one chick got it somewhat awesome because she did Ashley's makeup incorrectly so she had solid makeup that looked like her own. The rest look like they're wearing eyeshadow mixed with too much water because it had an extremely runny look to it. They only did the band members' looks. Not a single one of them had their own style or flair. Another chick even tried to get the hairstyle of CC's look, but the headband nearly covered her face. I want to see these fans get solid makeup with no fuck ups on basic things and have their own style. Don't copy that band member's trademark, use a small line or swoop that is on them, but only they could tell who it is. I see guys trying the makeup and again some are amazing while the rest are shit. I can give some tips on getting their makeup, just that, not the style. You have to come up with that on your own. Don't use paint or mix eyeshadow with water to get the paint. These guys have war paint on them that is made to be solid without the paint wateryness. It's more like a gel in my opinion. Use the cream-like eyeshadow in black to get the bold color and then add on powder eyeshadow to make sure it doesn't run as badly when the sweat comes. To get a paleish skin color to contrast that black, put on liquid foundation under powder foundation, like the eyeshadow, but the eyeshadow comes on after. It sounds silly, but to get your makeup areas prepped, use a washable skinny marker to draw on your face the outlines. This is easy to get off in case you screw up instead of the solid black that will still leave a mark that you just can't cover with foundation. You can use eye makeup all over your face, even the lips. I've used eyeliner to line my lips. It creates an easy to blend color that won't come off from drinking something. The best thing I can recommend to people is use other colors. Say I had a slashing line on my cheek, give it some pop of color and dimension by using a blue right along the underside of the line. It'll look like a shadow and it's different. Use bright colors that'll make you stand out like awesomesauce. You'll be unique and not look like every fucker in the arena who look like shit. Send me pictures of your makeup if you want help or just want to show it off. I can't wait to see it. My backup email is Hollowsuzumi@gmail.com. See you guys and don't forget to comment!

Breakups

"I hate breaking up with someone, it's so hard to do." Bullcrap. Breaking up with someone is really easy to do so don't stress about them. The tough thing is a lot of people expect them to be like the movies, but they just aren't. The sooner people realize this, the sooner they'll be happy. All you really have to do is come up with a small white lie. That's not nice? Well it keeps them from stalking you, asking for you back, and sometimes it'll save the friendship. All you have to say is "We need to breakup. Our personalities don't connect at all and if we stay together, we'll be unhappy." It's that simple. It keeps all the blame off of you and your significant other. You can't just bash the hell out of them saying that they are horrible people. That doesn't help their ego at all and you just come off as a bitch. Also a lot of magazines and junk recommend saying "I have reoccuring feelings for my ex. I'm going to follow them." That forces the blame on you which can turn it extremely messy. Don't put in any special details of your relationship. That will make it seem more official. Before you dump the person, make it known that something is wrong. Start talking to them less and avoid hanging out with them so much. It seems rude and it'll be awkward, but distancing yourself makes the blow much softer. If you've been dumped and you still have feelings, move on. The best thing you can really do is erase all possible signs that they existed in your world. The feelings will fade away. Don't ever listen to depressing music. It's ok to have a pity party, but that's only allowed to last ONE DAY. If it's longer, that stops you from moving on. It's not that tough. The blow will hurt, especially if it's sudden, but it'll get better...unless that person cheated on you. KILL IT WITH FIRE! Especially if they cheated. That's the most disgusting thing I can think of a person to do. It's a sudden thing that happens that will rip your poor heart out. If you were the person who cheated, please realize how hurt they were. That's an awful feeling that really makes you feel like crap. "Did they cheat because I wasn't good enough?" There's a lot of those questions that they wonder about. If you have cheated, don't ever do it again. Breaking up is easy if you aren't happy. Messy breakups are a pain to deal with. If the person is attacking you, back down. It's weird, especially for headstrong people like me, but the way to win is let people make themselves look bad. They aren't with you anymore so don't talk to them. It's ok to fight back when they start calling you a whore or a cheater. That's extremely hurtful and not caring when they call you that will make it seem like those lies are true. My best tip is to block them from messaging you, or posting on your wall on any social website. That's not cool of them to attack you. For example, my new ex-boyfriend is attacking me with these stupid pictures that have captions like "If you left without a reason, don't come back with an excuse." There's an angry guy as the picture. I'm not responding to it, but I feel threatened. He is a lot bigger than me so if he was to attack me, I'm in trouble if I get pinned down. I'm on high alert for more of these threatening posts along with his actions. Scary right? Well if that gets any worse, my parents will be finding out, along with school officials. If you notice stalking or feel threatened, let the people I named off know, along with your closest friends. Those are dangerous habits and your friends won't leave you alone. The stalking has happened with one of my friends, so all of her friends never let her walk alone. We took shifts walking in the halls with her, sat next to her in all of her classes (we each had one), and went home with her on the bus. We were witnesses to the stalking and as soon as they tried to do something to her, we fought him off and got the police set on him. Better safer than sorry. I have a facebook now for this. I'm just known as enteigirl blogspot on there. I'm a person, but anyone can friend me or message me and all that stuff. I speak English so please talk to me in English. I think it's an easier way to contact me or comment. I will not be putting any posts on there from my blog. Love you guys- Amai

Broken Bones

When in elementary school, or also known as 1-4th grades, all the kids with broken bones make it sound painful as heck. Well they're nothing. They do suck, but they're not as bad as you think. I've broken my left leg with two fractures in my tibia and I've broken my wrist (not sure what bone)...maybe twice now? I'm not sure yet. I broke my leg by wearing heelies, those shoes with wheels in the heels. My lil' brother and I were chasing each other around a Meijer's grocery store. I ended up running after him while skating on the heels so I went too fast. I fell back and I landed down on my leg as I pulled it up. >_< Not pretty sounding, but it didn't hurt. I had the wind knocked out of me and I knew I was seriously hurt. I was able to jump into a shopping cart and ended up going home. I know, I know, "aren't you going to take care of that hanging limb?" Well my dad didn't believe that I was really hurt so he ordered that I come home. Well I slept on the couch that night, with a big ass walking stick that didn't help. My leg never became swollen or bruised so we did have to go to the hospital to get it checked. People were amazed that I used a baby blanket as a sling and was almost able to jump onto the x-ray table on my own. That's the first bone I broke. Now it's almost like a curse with me. I keep re-spraining my limbs. I broke my wrist because my horse, Spike, was having a pissy day. I made him mad so when a loud noise went off (a hose getting caught under a sheet of metal), he took the obvious trigger/chance. He launched me off. I was able to sit three bucks then grew wings. I landed right on my wrist, a bad habit of mine. I broke it, but I didn't care. I got right back up and swore at him. I didn't start crying until the adrenaline wore off and I was seeing my horse rear straight up with another rider on his back. She was a pretty good rider, but she always purposely made him buck so she's not allowed to go near him. Now yesterday I got 25 views on here. I was so excited that I was dancing in my kitchen. I even had a huge comforter blanket wrapped around me. I slipped and forced all the impact into my same wrist. It still hurts, so I had my biology teacher help me check it out. She's awesome like that. She said it's not swelling or anything which is usual for my serious injuries, I don't show them. It still hurts so tomorrow after school I'll be headed to the school's sports doctor. We don't have a school nurse, but football players get their own...nice. Oh well, if it's broken, I have a brace to shove it into. The only thing I have to worry about is Winterguard. It's the flag twirlers at football games except we go to competitions. I don't want to be kicked out, especially since I've paid about $400 for this group. I've learned a whole bunch of stuff, so I will not be kicked out. Wish me luck guys on my wrist. I can't afford anymore broken bones. Buh-bye mah dahlings

Views

From the little graph on here, I've been getting a lot more views. Woot! It's weird, but I like to feel like I'm writing to someone. It's lonely without any viewers. Please keep checking this place out because I love the support. I have an account on deviantart.com that may need some help.:p Not trying to beg or anything. It has drawings of mine so yeah. My username on there is Hollowsuzumi.

Homosexuality

Homosexuality! I support it along with same sex marriage and them trying to be able to all adopt. I'm part of my GSA or better known as the Gay Straight Alliance. At my school, the group is a big group of at least fourty people. I have three leaders, Annie and Jenna (another cute couple) and Cassie. I believe that they're all seniors so a new wave of leaders will be coming through which I hope I can hop on. I'm excited about the two Same Sex Marriage cases headed to the supreme court. I have many friends who are gay so this is a topic I strongly feel about. The first time I got into the GSA was because my friend came out of the closet to me. I felt important to her because this is a big thing. I did my best to show my support and I also happened to be looking for the GSA at the time. Since my friend came out to me, she told more people. I'm proud that she has so much strength even though some people will think I'm dumb for thinking it. Kids at my school are mean! They've spit on people, walked all over them, beat the living crap out of them, and even torment them everyday. I fear for my friends who get this attention. Since joining the GSA, I've made so many more friends who would stand up for me. We all share the fact that we want to make the world better. I've become more outgoing and started to question my feelings. I identify myself as straight, but I don't know about the future. My friend, Cassidy, says she's asexual. This means she can't be attracted to a person just by looks or anything like that so she only dates by personality. That's actually a neat thing. I feel like I'm similar to that. I do feel attracted to people, so I wouldn't say I'm asexual, but there's a definite chance that I could realize I'm pansexual, bisexual, straight, or lesbian. That's a cloudy area that I don't know about, which makes it nice to have the GSA there to help my feelings come out so I can realize it. My leaders are awesome that if I talked to them about it, as soon as I was really uncertain about my feelings, they'd help me as best as they can. Not being straight isn't a choice or evolution mishap. It's a person's feelings. None of us can analyze everyone's feelings and be totally correct. Psychology has us seperated with different behaviors, but also with only GENERAL assumptions. If you feel something, you feel something. I don't understand why people are so against same sex marriage though. Marriage is the bonding of two people in holy union to show their true love. It is also a legal bond within the US. The bible has no effect at all when it's related to legal things because the church and the state(law/judicial/etc.) are SEPERATED! This country isn't filled with just Christians that disapprove so they don't run this place. The biggest thing about same sex marriage is this, why does it matter? It shows people's beautiful feelings for another. We aren't in the bedroom watching anything so no one can call it an abomination. If people can marry a girl/boyfriend at the age of eighteen and divorce within two years, why can't gays marry? Some will have a long happy marriage while others may not. It's the future. We don't know what will happen so it's ok to take some risks, especially if they are pretty seemingly safe risks. All inappropriate comments will be taken down along with comments made to insult others. If I think someone can take offense to it, it'll be gone, but I don't mind some intellectual arguments. I like to hear about the other side's opinions.

Dumb Shows

Billy the Exterminator. It's a show about a guy who relocates animals, kills pests and so on. The show used to be alright, but since the new season started, he's a loser. The guy has a shaved mullet. He looks like he tried to copy Skrillix but instead of a hair dresser, he used a blender. If you're going to wear eyeliner, put it on properly. Don't put it along you eye socket under your bottom eyelashes. It doesn't look good at all like that. All Billy wears is black clothes with wannabe metal cuffs covered in spikes. "These spikes keep the animal off of me.(Billy)" Bullshit. You wear them to look cool. Billy's brother also is on the show and he's allergic to wasps. What's really dumb is the fact all his jobs deal with wasps. Every show he's in, they mention "if Ricky gets stung, he could die!" The dumbasses should be smart enough to not do the job. It's an awful show. It's fake. Billy just asked a client to tape a 'gator's mouth shut. Who brings a client close to a dangerous animal!?! Dumbasses.

Boys

Topic pick: Boys, Boys, Boys (we love them, we love them!) Get the song reference?...no? I'm slightly disappointed... ANYWAYS onto the most helpful topic ever. I'm a chick as you all probably know so this will be a praise/rant thing. Guys, read this; it'll help you with so much in the chick world. I'm a straight chick so far that I know of (read Homosexuality), but sometimes I'd rather punch every guy who talks to me. Guys are predictable and generally sweet. But even that can get generally annoying. If you're going to compliment a girl, do it once a week at most. If you say something everyday then they start to lose their power. Don't overdo it or else your girlfriend/boyfriend will get annoyed and not believe that they're genuine. I'll also admit I love the guy who has my back, but if you say "I love you", "If you need anything, I'm here", and so on. Those type of phrases are like compliments. ONLY DO THEM ONCE IN A WHILE!!!! Take that seriously, bro. If you don't then I feel suffocated. Me don't do mushy, but that's my preference. Those phrases are nice to hear once in a while, but I'm serious about the suffocation thing. Instead of making your person want to head towards you, you push them away. I've seen it happen many times, it can cause some ugly break ups, especially because the person comes off looking like the bad person while you look stalkerish. Not a very good look which destroys any chance of ever getting back together. "Weeeeee're never ever eveeeeeerrrrr...getting back together!" The above tips were about getting clingy! But don't drift off too much. It's nice to find that perfect balance between you time and together time. If you drift off then that relationship won't get any deeper or more real. Find the balance, Yin and Yang (found out the yang is pronounced like yong, who knew?). I have an awful habit of drifting away when people start saying "I love you." I'm not mushy so I feel weird, but what do I respond with? "Love ya." It's really informal. When I actually mean I love you, then I'll say it right. The informal thing is me saying, " I like you, but we've only been dating for about a month so it won't form until I get used to you being my boyfriend." No relationship has even won those words from me or my first kiss. I'm in the later teen range, but I haven't kissed anyone. Me kissing you is saying that I freaking love you. Only one guy has been able to get me to nearly kiss him, but the relationship took to a road towards friendship so that didn't happen. Everyone can say, "I love the kissing, cuddling, and making out." but that's not me. I'm happy for my friends, especially Jordan L + Rae Rae and Jordan B + Seth. They're such cute couples who seem perfect for each other. They balance everything while getting to know each other. That's the kind of the relationship I want. I want to know the person truly before getting into the hot and heavy stuff. Almost every single guy friend I've ever had has formed some crush on me, but it's infatuation. They ask me out, I say yes, and they find out that they don't get along with me. I like a little fight in a guy, he's got to know when to back down and when to butt heads with me. I test the relationships and I can tell right off when someone won't get along well with me. Tell me what you like about your person, hate, or whatever (NO INAPPROPRIATE STUFF! If I haven't had my first kiss then I obviously haven't done any of that stuff.) Ask me any relationships questions! I actually do give out nice advice. See you, my darlings! *blows kisses goodbye*

Christmas

Hey guys, it's Amai. So happy new year and all that stuff. I celebrate Christmas and basically all I got was related to moustaches. Wooh! So that's our topic. A mashup of moustaches and Christmas. I'm not a fan of real moustaches, but the stick on ones are awesome. I even stuck a handlebar moustache on my phone, under the camera, and now it's a cyclops named Fredrick. He shall be wearing a ducktape, moustache themed (because I have some), tux. It shall be awesome! Real moustaches...I'm a teenager so I won't be lookin' at those furry catipillars. That can always change when I'm older, but you know....not right now. Christmas: It's a holiday where I get presents. I like to practice Wicca so none of that Christian story stuff is even bothered with. My family are all athiests so they don't care about it either. I like Christmas, but my controlling dad does exactly that. I have to wake up at a certain time so it's not all fun. I'm extremely grateful for all the stuff I get, especially my cds! Love those things. Maybe I should do a topic on music. I will as long as it doesn't turn into any argument. We all know my music is the best. The biggest thing about Christmas is the formal dinner. I hate formal dinners. I hate/haven't talked to most of my family so no one comes over. It's always been my siblings and parents. Why is a formal dinner that takes hours to cook and only minutes to eat so important? I don't feel like it's celebrating our "togetherness". It's just us eating a bunch of food that will cause me to gain too much weight. That's a huge pain in the ass to work off. I gain weight as fast as I lose it, so one dinner will cause an added fifteen pounds the next day. Sexy, right? I love Christmas with my best friends. We spend New Year's together and that's when we celebrate Christmas. They all know me so well, but that's where I struggle. I know them well, but never know what to get them. Oh well, we pig out on cookies and soda while playing Go Ninja Go. Heard of that game? I'll explain rules later. It's really fun, but be prepped to be hit in an inappropriate spot on accident. All in all, Christmas is really fun. I have at least four other posts all prepped, just going over editing to get them finished with.